"Do you fight?"

Photography credit: Judit Maier

As you might have noticed we missed last week’s post. Sorry about that...

But we are back in action armed with a double whammy -two posts for this week…

A lot of people are constantly intrigued by the way we communicate with each other. But more so they are also intrigued by the way we argue.

The common question here is “Do you guys fight” and our clever answer is “We don’t fight, we have disagreements.”

Being Portuguese, we’re both expressive communicators. We like to verbalize our thoughts with detail, even when we’re not asked. This leads us to the next questing: what does all these factors combined look like?

There are different levels of our “disagreements”.

The first level is the one when there are many people around and we can’t express all our thoughts. We’ll call it ‘The quiet rebuke.’  This one involves the dreaded eyebrow raise combined with the wide eyed evil eyes and clenching teeth.  This is the possible interpretations:
1.  Are you challenging me in front of all these people?
2. I disagree with you, but if I verbalize myself you know it’s going to break loose.
3. I don’t approve of your actions. In other words “Oh no girl, you did not just do that!”

The second level involves freedom of speech. During this time there’s no one around to be involved and we can freely say what has been on our minds and what happened that cause our buttons to be pushed. It’s normally calm with allot of expressive hand gestures and laughter. We both tend to laugh when we’re frustrated. Our main focus here is letting the other understand how we feel and what caused it so that it doesn’t happen again. We call this one ‘I’ve told you once.’

The third level is ‘The danger zone.’ This is the hard core one. We scream and shout and let it all out. When we reach this level it’s doubtful that we’re actually listening to each other anymore.  BUT we have learnt that this is not a good place to be. It’s better to walk away for a moment and come back when we’re calm and ready to talk again. Through a lot of PG (Parental Guidance) through the teenage years, we don’t reach this place often.

At the end of the day no matter how intense we talk it out, UNITY is important and we won’t have a good relationship without it. This is the constant goal of our relationship.

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